I don’t ever want to lose inspiration and feel ‘bored’ with life. There is so much I do not know, so little i’ve acquired in my years of being alive and it feels almost shameful to admit it. It feels as if i’ve let time slip through the cracks – as if i’ve let it slip through my fingertips and I try so hard to have everything, to have freedom and to be disciplined enough about my academics – but there’s always a gross imbalance. It feels like my life has been surrounded by an endless amount of pillars and i’ve spent so much time looking at the pillars, i’ve lost sight of the ground i’m walking on. Why do I constantly look ahead and look at opportunities as obstacles,
as negative mediums
when I should be looking at them as what they really are: opportunities. As chances. As blessings.
After my exams, I need to expand my outlook on life and allow indulgence. To indulge in every aspect of life, to be cultured, to experience, to try, to read, to become aware, to build, to break, to read Neil Gaiman and Jonathan Franzen and to explore and understand fully all the things I am so ignorant towards. To look at life with more wonder and beauty – to spend it with the people I love and to become a better person in a general sense. I cannot wait for my exams to be over and to travel and do it in the absence of worry – of the next “step” or what awaits me.
But, for now, Criminal Law revision awaits. I want to do well so I need to push myself, despite how hard that is to do. I am doing this with passion.