Intrepid

Yes, we live in…

Yes, we live in a sexist culture, in which women have no good choices when it comes to our bodies. We live in a sexist culture in which women are valued primarily as sexual objects, and at the same time are shamed for our sexuality. It seems to me that we have two choices as to how to respond to this. We can try to navigate the narrow, essentially impossible shoals of these contradictory expectations, and try to find that perfect, socially acceptable line between slut and prude.

Or we can say, “Fuck it. There is no way I can win — so I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want. I’m going to wear overalls, or I’m going to wear high heels. I’m going to have sex with twenty strangers in a night, or I’m not going to have sex with anyone. I’m going to dress conservatively and professionally in public at all times, or I’m going to sell naked pictures of myself on the Internet if I bloody well feel like it.”

And in saying, “I can’t win, so I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do,” we can create the beginnings of a victory. We can create the beginnings of a world where we really can win. We can create the beginnings of a world where we’re a little more free than the women who came before us… and where the women who come after us are a little more free than we are. We probably can’t create a perfect world, where women’s bodies aren’t commodified in the slightest (not in this generation, anyway). But we can create a better world: a world where women’s bodies and minds belong less to the patriarchy, and more to ourselves.

Greta Christina

What Can I Say

Oh Lord, what can I say? I’m so sad since you went away

Time, Time, ticking on me, alone is the last place I wanted to be. 

Perseverance

I don’t ever want to lose inspiration and feel ‘bored’ with life. There is so much I do not know, so little i’ve acquired in my years of being alive and it feels almost shameful to admit it. It feels as if i’ve let time slip through the cracks – as if i’ve let it slip through my fingertips and I try so hard to have everything, to have freedom and to be disciplined enough about my academics – but there’s always a gross imbalance. It feels like my life has been surrounded by an endless amount of pillars and i’ve spent so much time looking at the pillars, i’ve lost sight of the ground i’m walking on. Why do I constantly look ahead and look at opportunities as obstacles,

as negative mediums

as challenges

when I should be looking at them as what they really are: opportunities. As chances. As blessings.

After my exams, I need to expand my outlook on life and allow indulgence. To indulge in every aspect of life, to be cultured, to experience, to try, to read, to become aware, to build, to break, to read Neil Gaiman and Jonathan Franzen and to explore and understand fully all the things I am so ignorant towards. To look at life with more wonder and beauty – to spend it with the people I love and to become a better person in a general sense. I cannot wait for my exams to be over and to travel and do it in the absence of worry – of the next “step” or what awaits me.

But, for now, Criminal Law revision awaits. I want to do well so I need to push myself, despite how hard that is to do. I am doing this with passion. 

Armistice

Taking a break from essay writing to procrastinate further and update this. I’ve never written an essay so last minute before but a strange sense of calm has overwhelmed me? I’m probably basking in the joy of the non-assessed nature of my 1st Year essays. The whole weekend seems to have wafted by and collided into a long day of closed curtains, piles of books, cups of hot drinks and working into the wee hours of the morning (and lots of hours drawn into YouTube and television shows).

It’s nice, though. This weekend has been a perfect balance of solitude and company with friends; laughing and enjoying good food together and recollecting on the past week; de-stressing, if you will. It’s strange that as each day goes by, nothing feels any different but things are, for a fact, changing and so many things are bound to happen given the amount of crosses on the calendar being securely held up by blue-tac. Such is the life of temporary living, I suppose. I can’t wait to get my own flat and be away from awkward socialising with people I don’t care for, but I will also miss the casual and hilarious bump-ins with the people I do care for.

How strange it is to be anything at all.

Sympathy

 

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I’ve been killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don’t need
All I wanted
And what I chase won’t set me free
It’s all I wanted
And I get scared but I’m not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything’s all wrong yeah
Everything’s all wrong yeah

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don’t feel
And all these thoughts from the inside out
Now my head’s been filled with doubt

It’s hard to lead the life you choose

All I wanted
When all your luck’s run out on you
All I wanted
And you can’t see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it’s easy to forget yeah
And you choke on the regrets yeah

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I’m not sure where I belong
Nowhere’s home and I’m all wrong

And I wasn’t all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy